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Midnight Muse

It's midnight as the title suggests. Ahaha. I love stating the obvious don't I?

Hmm.

It's been awhile that I get to be alone with Papercranes and just...type. It feels nostalgic...and sad. It used to be me and my half-arsed love dilemmas and foolish teenage depression, crying my eyes out in the middle of the night (similar to tonight) and just hoping and wishing and praying so damn hard that I'd find my One True Love to make the pain and suffering go away...so stupid...so immature. But, in a way, the things I went through before were experiences that inspired me to write the stuff I did. And now...well, I've found my soul mate and I realised that I haven't been writing as much.

To be writing again like this, it wrenches my heart. It's like I'm saying hello again to a long lost childhood friend that got lost somewhere when I was busy growing up. What's sad is that it sorta feels like, as I chased other dreams (getting married and studying) I forgot my childhood dreams. I forgot how much I loved writing. I forgot how much I love spending time by myself and just scribble down thoughts and ideas that randomly pass through my mind. I forgot about the calmness midnight hour offers me and how much my imagination cries to run free. In the hectic life I live now...I...I forgot about me. I really missed writing, I realise that now.

I miss losing myself in my emotions and just typing out whatever my heart whispers to me. I forgot to close my eyes and listen to the story my heart yearns to tell. I forgot about my bestfriend, the one that God blessed me with. The bestfriend that stayed up all night just to listen to my crying, that hurt when I hurt, that continued beating me life when I felt like dying. I forgot about the closest bestfriend I had since I was small...my own heart. And while I'm typing this, I'm trying my hard not to cry but it's hard to hold back tears when you have a reunion with someone you haven't seen in a long time.

I used to always depend on my heart for support, for protection against my own mind but now I can stand on my own...I can fend for myself. I changed so much haven't I heart? And I'm not sure whether it's a good change. I miss my heart like a an old person who misses being young again. Sorry my dear heart...I have been so busy. I have neglected you. I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry. It's cold and I'm shivering. My nose is runny and I'm crying already. Typing like this brings back such fond memories. Everything just suddenly came back to me and I recall every single moment I've been through. The sweet stuff, sad stuff, funny stuff, crazy stuff...everything. And it feels a bit better to know that I can still remember what the old me went through. I don't ever wanna let go of that me...I don't wanna forget the me then.

Sigh.

He's sleeping, my husband, all wrapped up in his thick blanket. Usually I'd go cuddle up to him and fall asleep listening to the beat of his heart but tonight...well, not tonight. Tonight I wanna be with my heart, listen to it beating and feel alive. I won't sleep, I'll stay up all night and keep my heart company like how it stayed up for me. I'll mend every single scar and wound it has. I'll be a good listener and just...listen. Cause sometimes, you always take care of another's heart and fail to attend to your own.

So, tonight, it's just me and my heart. We'll just sit together like old times and talk. We have a lot of catching up to do.

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XOXO, Eleena

P.Holiday: Nuzul Quran

It's 2.02pm on a Wednesday. A public holiday. Nuzul Quran.

Last night me and Hubby dearest went back to Ampang. We breaked fast eating a loaf of Gardenia's vanilla-filled bread and drove over to AC, Subang. Serious, sangat mengidam spaghetti AC! Heehee X) Traffic was okay, it wasn't that jammed up. Anyways, we reached there and tawaf dua kali untuk cari parking. Mood down sikit. Ahaha.

Finally, alhamdulillah, we found a spot which was like 60km from AC (okay, exaggeration. LOL). Tapi tak terasa pun berjalan cause lapar. Ahaha. So we walked over to AC and, as we walked past the Cyber Cafe, counted how many computer screens had DOTA on (an amazing 8/10). Kami duduk bawah pokok yang rimbun di situ, menghadap television LCD yang besar dan kemudian Hubby pun pergi order makanan. We decided to share an Alfredo together. It was awwwhsuuum!!!! Argh! Serious, sedap gila spaghetti orang tuuu!!! The last time we went we ate the bolognese (which was equally awhsum!). I heard that the owner of the place is an Italian, explains why his dishes are so...amaziiing. Dreamy sigh.

Anyways, the reason we went back to Ampang instead of our usual Klang and Shah Alam pit-stops was cause Hubby needed Ummi and Ayah's signatures for his PTPTN forms. So, yeah. But it's a nice change of weather. Haa...tak sabarnya nak cuti dah! I will make sure that this week is my last at that college (for this semester that is). Dah la, tak tau nak bebel apa. Ahaha. Ciao!

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XOXO, Eleena